Stepping Stones: A Memoir of Addiction, Loss, and Transformation
Marilea C. Rabasa is a retired English as a Second Language teacher with a master’s degree in teaching. Her work has earned several literary awards, including the Best Book Award in 2020, The International Book Award, The Chanticleer Journey Award and others. Stepping Stones: A Memoir of Addiction, Loss, and Transformation focuses on her hardships as a lifelong substance abuser.
Her memoir is an in-depth, often wrenching, but ultimately uplifting story of her long journey through addiction to the blessed sobriety she enjoys today. Marilea’s recovery has enabled her to see her fascinating life through a different lens—one filled with gratitude, humor, and love. You can find Marilea and her recovery blog at www.recoveryofthespirit.com and the direct Amazon link.
The Peeling of an Onion…
Fifteen years ago, my partner, Gene, and I moved to New Mexico. We had just retired from our teaching careers in Virginia, and we wanted to start over in the Southwest, a part of the country we had grown to love. I had been dealing with my daughter’s substance abuse for nearly a decade, and I was worn out. I continued going to several recovery groups in Albuquerque as I struggled to do what many parents do: let their children go to find their own way in life. I’d done the best I could with what I had, but she got lost in the hellish world of drug addiction when she was twenty-one.
Finding Healing and Memories in the Land of Enchantment
“The Land of Enchantment” holds a special place in my heart. It’s where my partner planted an orchard and we enjoyed his fruit business for several years. It’s where my troubled daughter came to visit during one of her sober periods. We took the tram together to the top of Sandia Mountain and both looked out in the distance, wondering what life held in store for us. Most importantly, it’s where I continued the sometimes bewildering process of recovering from losing her to substance use disorder. But recovery has been, and continues to be, an ongoing battle for me.
Writing Through Grief: The Healing Power of Honest Storytelling
I made a friend, a published poet in Albuquerque, and after reading my work she suggested I join a writing seminar she was starting called “Writing Through Grief.” Out of that seminar my memoir was born. I cannot say enough about the value of writing down our life stories. It’s a painful process, but ultimately cathartic and healing. I stress the word “process” because there’s really no end to it. Life keeps happening, and the truths we revealed at one time often grow larger and deepen. We keep changing, and those changes, sometimes, enable us to see ourselves more clearly. I asked a local memoirist what was, to her, the most important element of memoir writing, and she replied without hesitation: “It’s the ability to be honest.”
Facing Addiction: A Personal Journey Toward Healing and Self-Discovery
Well, that is a matter of degree. Throughout my battle to help my daughter, I was enjoying the numbing effect of wine. But, like many addictions, it continued at a slow and stealthy pace with few consequences. Using alcohol actually began long before she got sick; it started thirty years ago as I watched my marriage crumble and I faced single motherhood. And it got worse as I watched her slip away. But never once did I recognize this substance abuse as alcoholism. There were still more layers to shed.
It’s been a slow wheel, my journey to wellness. It’s not easy to reveal parts of myself that bring me shame. Yet it’s a necessary step in my recovery. An excerpt from my synopsis for Stepping Stones shows how my alcoholism came to light:
Confronting Addiction: A Journey of Recovery, Forgiveness, and Self-Healing
“After Marilea’s retirement, she and Gene move to New Mexico to start over. She throws herself into full-time recovery, focusing only on letting go of her daughter and making peace with whatever comes. But she is drinking. That ends abruptly when her son and his wife stage an intervention and call her out on her alcoholism. That is the bottom she needs to put an end to the destructive habit that might have killed her.
Marilea makes amends to important people in her life: her sister, and her three children. Her apologies are graciously received, except for her daughter’s. The brain damage from more than twenty years of amphetamine, cocaine, and heroin use is apparent in the devastating response she sends her mother. Marilea’s recovery, too, is apparent as she is able to focus on her own efforts regarding her daughter and not on the anticipated outcome of her forgiveness. What matters is that she can forgive herself and continue her progress by making living amends.”
Unmasking Addiction: The Power of Honesty in Memoir Writing
So, “the peeling of an onion…” Layer upon layer, our character is formed as we make our way through life. We live in a society where addiction is highly stigmatized and substance abusers suffer from discrimination. So it became prudent for me to wear masks to cover up unhealthy behaviors. Over time, though, it became more important for me to come out of denial and face the alcoholism that was threatening my well-being. Continuing to write down my story served as a clarification process, a filtering of events that brought more truths to light.
This is the honesty my friend spoke of in the writing of memoir. And the essence of memoir is the change that has occurred as a result of whatever challenges we may be facing. It’s what happens between the covers, from the beginning of the story to its end, that provides the answer to the big question: what was X,Y, Z and how did we survive it? Whether it’s child abuse, living through a battle in WWII, or growing up with cerebral palsy, the memoirist will show in as honest detail as possible how such a challenge changed him or her. That’s the takeaway we often hear about in both fiction and non-fiction writing. And that’s what makes me want to read books that offer the most salient lessons.
