What is your book all about?
EXODAI is a shockingly honest memoir of love, obsession, and torture. It’s the story of how I came to terms with my sexuality and learned to love myself. The book focuses on my two-year relationship with a sadistic Japanese dominatrix called Tomo. Much of the story is based in Tokyo where I first became inducted into the BDSM scene.
When I fell in love with Tomo and became her slave, I unwittingly began a descent into hell.Tomo proved to be an irredeemable sadist who took torture far beyond the accepted limits of S&M. I went to the brink of destruction for Tomo. Not for the faint-hearted, this memoir describes what I experienced there and how I found my way back.
Thank you to Authors’ Lounge for this opportunity to present my book. My memoir – EXODAI – is available on Amazon, exclusively. [Trigger Warning: EXODAI contains graphic descriptions of real life BDSM and sadistic torture.]
What inspired you to write the book?
All through my life, I have kept diaries. When I was going through more stressful or traumatic experiences, I found the process of journaling to be extremely cathartic. Meanwhile, I always thought I would publish my stories one day, but it was not until my relationship with the Japanese dominatrix began that I finally felt compelled to turn my diaries into a book.
Curiously, back in 2012, even before the relationship had started, I “knew” I should write the story. One day, I read a homily in my Bible study handbook that told me almost prophetically that I would have to go through a lot of suffering in order to help others by writing about my struggles. It was as if God was pointing his finger at me, and I knew intuitively that the suffering would come in my relationship with Tomo, the Japanese dominatrix. This emboldened me to keep a careful record of events as they unfolded. I was with her for almost two years and, indeed, it did turn out to be an incredibly tortuous experience, both mentally and physically.
As the book evolved, it became clear I should expand the text to cover the whole story of why I didn’t love myself, why I allowed myself to be tortured, and how I finally came to terms with my sexuality.
What is your target audience for the book?
EXODAI is an adult book, targeted at anyone exploring (or struggling with) their sexuality. It’s primarily geared towards the LGBTQ+ and BDSM communities, but the book will also have relatable appeal for members of other marginalized communities. Additionally, the book explores deeper themes such as love, delusion, spirituality, and abuse.
What do you hope readers could get out from your book?
I hope that EXODAI will give a relatable voice to the pain that many members of the LGBTQ community feel in coming to terms with their sexuality and learning to love themselves.
I also hope my book gives direction to people who are in situations of abuse, perhaps because they were ostracized or bullied at a young age. Many adults ignore their inner troubles and self-sabotage their progress in life. I want to bring light to those who are in denial and encourage them to embrace who they are.
Already, some of the written reviews thank me for sharing my story and for giving a voice to the struggles individuals from ostracized communities feel. I recently received the following comment on one of my book promotion videos: “I’m mid-way reading your amazing book. As a disabled man who cross-dresses, this book is helping me to peel away the layers that I feel about who I am.”
What are your future goals/plans for the book?
- I want to dispel the fearful myth, propagated by religion, that being gay is an abomination to
God! This very myth caused me so much heartache and struggle, because I believed it for a
very long time. - I really hope that EXODAI gives a relatable voice to the struggle that many members of the
LGBTQ community feel in living with their sexuality and learning to love themselves. - I want my book to help people who are in situations of abuse or neglect perhaps as a result
of being ostracized (or bullied) at a young age. I want to bring light to those who are in
denial! - I want to emphasize that in all situations, when you apply love and forgiveness, the situation
will yield fruit. - For the uninitiated, there is stigma attached to BDSM – that it’s deviant, perverted, sordid,
evil. I want to open the eyes of the reader showing them that BDSM is multi-faceted,
magnificent, and even spiritual at times.
And something more about yourself.
I’m a fun-loving British woman, aged 52, currently living Tokyo with my sweetheart (a Japanese lady, two years my elder). We’ve been great companions, together now for five years.
I love: reading, writing (that’s how I found Authors’ Lounge!), music, hiking in the Japanese mountains, Bikram yoga, fine wines, travelling and generally enjoying life’s indulgences when I can afford them. My friends would describe me as adventurous, extremely kind, fun to be with, but a bit crazy.
Over the course of my life, I have lived and worked in London, Paris, Tokyo, and Dubai. About ten years ago, I quit my promising career in financial services, to focus on writing my memoir!
Life is great; however, for much of my life, I was deeply miserable over my sexuality. This led to some shocking and extreme activities during my adult life, until I learned to love myself – the story of which forms the basis for my memoir. I really think the S&M activity was because, at a subconscious level, I believed I deserved to be punished.
0 Comments