As Far as You Can Go Before You Have to Come Back: A Novel
It was 1989. I was trying not to breathe too deeply in the second-hand cigarette smoke of the staff lounge at the English conversation school where I taught in Tokyo. In a context I can’t remember for the following was an odd revelation a friend told me that she was terrified to sleep alone.
A Sudden Realization: The Fear Beneath the Surface
Something went, “Ping,” in my—brain? Heart?
I remember thinking. What if a young woman was traveling alone in Southeast Asia, with all the pressure to sleep around and all the access to drugs and alcohol? what if all that was going on as she was afraid to sleep alone? It never occurred to me to wonder apart why she might be afraid to sleep alone.
The Birth of a Story: From Mundane Moments to a Journey of Survival and Self-Discovery
The plot for As Far as You Can Go Before You Have to Come Back went POP. That idea became a girl-and-her-backpack story with a #MeToo influence: Carlie is a child sexual trauma survivor. As a teen, she steals ten thousand dollars from her parents and runs away to Asia.
Through Hong Kong, The Philippines, Bali, and Thailand, the Lonely Planet path of hookups, heat, alcohol, and drugs takes on a terrifying reality. Landing in Tokyo in the late 1980s. Carlie falls in with an international crew of tai chi-practicing backpackers. With their help, she has the chance at a journey she didn’t plan for to find the self-respect taken from her as a child and the healthy sexuality she desires.
Award-Winning Debut: An Acclaimed Journey from Trauma to Triumph
As Far as You Can Go Before You Have to Come Back won six awards before publishing, in the spring of 2023. All told, the novel garnered eleven honors, including First Place in The National League of American Pen Women’s Mary Kennedy Eastham Prize for an excerpt. Jamie Forda New York Times bestselling author Hotel on the Corner of Bitter & Sweet and a judge for the 2024 National Book Award—wrote: “A rare novel that shows how easily childhood trauma can be internalized and normalized, distorting our coming-of-age. An outstanding debut.”
From #1 Kindle Rankings to Award Recognition: A Feminist Novel’s Rising Impact
The novel found itself two, #1 Kindle spots, one for “Coming of Age” and the other for “Literary Fiction.” Perhaps more exciting to me, it regularly shows up toward the top of “Feminist Literary Criticism”—though it is a novel. Most recently, the novel was selected as a finalist for The Nancy Pearl Book Award—winner announced September 21st, 2024. (All your best vibes welcome.)
As Far as You Can Go Before You Have to Come Back, is a novel for those who loved the travel adventure of The Beach as well as the bittersweet joy of The Lovely Bones—though no narrator dies to achieve Carlie’s triumph. I never aimed for a “bow on the top” ending. I wanted to bring Carlie as low as possible before she takes the turn toward healing. If the story threatens to overwhelm you, skip to page 80.
That’s when that Tai chi debuts, and with it, Carlie’s internal journey—which I wrote to send hope to every survivor still suffering or on her way through the healing process. It is possible to turn trauma into beauty, as we see in books throughout Authors’ Lounge. Yes, Carlie’s story is influenced by my life.
However, you need to know that while the emotional awarenesses in As Far as You Can Go Before You Have to Come Back are mine, the plot is far more structured and purposeful that life could ever be. A famous writer and director who shall remain nameless because of his pedophilic activities once said, “Dialogue is conversation’s top ten.”
A Journey Through Darkness: Crafting Carlie’s Story of Survival and Hope
Plot is life’s top ten.
I have loving friends. Most importantly, my husband is a true partner, and quite sexy. We have two shining sons whose normalcy is a reward beyond measure. Currently, I am writing a companion piece to As Far as You Can Go Before You Have to Come Back, titled Crazy Medicine—the English translation for the Thai street drug that cuts meth with caffeine:
Where As Far as You Can Go takes a trauma survivor toward the light, Crazy Medicine follows a young woman of a similar age with a similar level of trauma who, on Koh Phangan, the island in Thailand where Carlie finds Tai chi, discovers that her only release comes from dealing drugs.
Embracing Survival: The Curiosity That Led to ‘Crazy Medicine
I understand I have survived quite well. I don’t get: Why me, as opposed to that person? Or this person? Crazy Medicine is me indulging in that curiosity. I’ve learned, since the moment in Tokyo that became As Far as You Can Go Before You Have to Come Back: wonder apart the why. Expect the miracle.
Amazon link {NOTE creating a Tinyurl does not work, to get to the novel’s Amazon page}
Substack newsletter: An Alle Alert! – two issues a week: one writing tip, one publishing tip, and the occasional post about surviving trauma.
Instagram: allec.hall
