Conflict to Connection: The Art of Listening to Understand

Difficult conversations—whether they involve confronting a colleague, addressing hurtful behaviour, or navigating personal conflict—are a universal challenge. We’ve all been there, heart racing, palms sweating, mind scrambling for the right words. But the hardest part? It’s not just about staying calm in the heat of the moment; it’s about how you prepare for that moment, manage your emotions, and handle what happens after.

I remember a time, years ago when I faced a tough conversation with someone trying to sabotage my presentation at a conference. My emotions were on fire. I was furious, but I knew that letting my anger take control would only make things worse. I had to stay calm I had to listen—not just hear the words they were saying, but really understand what was going on. That experience, as challenging as it was, shaped my approach to difficult conversations, which I now share in my book, A State of P.L.A.Y.S: HOW TO HAVE THOSE DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONS WITHOUT LOSING YOUR MIND.

Listening to Understand

In A State of P.L.A.Y.S, I break down a framework for approaching tough conversations through an acronym: P.L.A.Y.S.—Preparation, Listening, Addressing, Yielding, and Staying Safe. The cornerstone of this approach is listening to understand, rather than to react. When we’re hurt or angry, we often listen defensively, preparing our next argument rather than absorbing what the other person is saying. But genuine listening, coupled with empathy, can transform an adversarial situation into an opportunity for healing and growth.

Let’s be honest—there’s a real fear in confronting someone who’s crossed a boundary, broken a promise, or who is just being disrespectful. It can feel overwhelming to initiate that talk. Yet, I’ve found that approaching these situations with calmness, clarity, confidence, and compassion opens doors to healthier relationships. It allows you to stand in your truth without losing yourself in the process.

Standing in Your Power

One of the reasons many people struggle with difficult conversations is that they don’t feel empowered to speak their truth. Maybe you’re worried you’ll say the wrong thing, or perhaps you fear being vulnerable. These feelings are valid, but they shouldn’t keep you trapped in a place of resentment or fear.

In fact, when you suppress your emotions—especially when someone’s behaviour has caused you pain—those unspoken feelings can simmer beneath the surface. You might think you’re keeping the peace by staying silent, but in reality, unresolved anger often manifests as passive-aggressive behaviour. And that’s far from peaceful.

Cultivating Courage Through Preparation

A State of P.L.A.Y.S. offers a roadmap to move beyond those feelings of powerlessness. The first step Preparation isn’t just about having your points ready; it’s about getting into the right mindset. Are you emotionally ready for this difficult conversation? Can you maintain your composure even if things don’t go as planned? These are critical questions to ask yourself, and A State of P.L.A.Y.S dives deep into creating effective strategies that can help you find clarity and confidence before you even utter a word.

Think of preparation as your emotional armour—not a shield to deflect responsibility, but a tool to help you stay grounded in your truth. And once you’ve prepared, the next steps—Listening, Addressing, and Yielding, Safety—fall into place more naturally.

 Embracing Growth in Relationships

While tough conversations are rarely easy, they are often necessary for personal and relational growth. Speaking up doesn’t mean you’re trying to dominate the conversation or tear the other person down. It’s about standing up for yourself, setting boundaries, and creating space for mutual respect. And here’s the beautiful part: when approached with compassion, even the most challenging interactions can lead to deeper understanding and connection.

For me, writing A State of P.L.A.Y.S. was more than just putting together a self-help guide—it was about sharing a toolkit for empowerment. My background as a social worker, trauma counsellor, and life coach has shown me that so many people want to step into their power, but they often lack the resources or confidence to do so. My goal is to help them find their voice and use it in a way that feels authentic and safe.

 A Life in Balance

When I’m not writing, you’ll find me indulging in some of my favorite pastimes—whether it’s watching a good film noir, savoring the sounds of jazz, or strolling the scenic trails in Brampton, Ontario, where I call home. And, of course, I’m a devoted cat mom, often accompanied by my furry companion while I work on my next project.

As a writer, nothing brings me more joy than hearing from my readers. Your feedback shapes my work and inspires me to keep going. This is why I connected to the Authors Lounge; I do hope that I hear back from some of you.  I’ve got several more books in the pipeline for 2025, and I’m more motivated than ever to continue sharing tools for resilience, personal growth, and self-empowerment.

So, if you’re ready to take the next step in mastering difficult conversations you can pick up a copy of my book A State of P.L.A.Y.S: HOW TO HAVE THOSE DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONS WITHOUT LOSING YOUR MIND. 

It is now available on Amazon and FREE on Audible. See the link here: