^{Photo by Octavio J. García N}

Going… Going…: The Abduction of a Mind by Jack Weaver is a story about how dementia affects the relationship of couples. He writes a detailed and compelling narrative of what it truly feels like living with a destructive disease.

In 2022, approximately 6.5 million Americans ages 65 and older have Alzheimer’s. As the risk of developing this disease only increases with age and its early-onset symptoms happening in the 30s, there’s no telling whether people will be safe or at risk. Everyone is susceptible to dementia. Hence, people must be informed and knowledgeable about its ins and outs.

Behavioral and Personality Changes

Changes in behaviors and personality are commonly one of the first signs of someone with dementia. Those stricken with this disease are losing neurons and functions in some parts of their brains. Hence, they may act very differently than how they originally were. From the perspective of the individual, these changes may be unnoticeable. They may feel that they’re acting normal and similar to how they should. But to their family and friends, these changes can be stark and brutal to accept.

These changes and the reactions they bring out may be difficult to comprehend from a bystander’s perspective. But a book by author Jack Weaver may provide a clearer idea of the troubles dementia brings. Going… Going…: The Abduction of a Mind is a journal following a couple’s fifteen-year journey fighting and living with Alzheimer’s.

This book allows readers to empathize with Jack and Janey as they experience the rollercoaster ride that is dementia. From traversing into the sunny valleys of hope to going through the swamps of despair and up the mountains of happiness, readers will get a complete 360 of what dementia brings to family and how it affects their dynamics and relationship.

Most importantly, the book covers how families learn to manage through these ups and downs.

Dealing With These Changes

Families of people with dementia may find it hard to accept that the person they once knew has changed. It’s easy for them to get stuck in the wishful thinking that their conditions will improve and they’ll revert to their “old selves.” However, this rarely happens. While it may take time to accept these changes fully, it can help to remember that they aren’t deliberate.

To help, here are some ways people can respond to these changes:

With Empathy

A common sign of dementia may be indifference. They will lose enthusiasm for the things they were once passionate about. Instinctively, people may reason with them, tell them about the activities they once loved, and encourage them to remember these things. However, this may only cause them confusion, or in some cases, may even lead to this tinge of regret or longing for things these people won’t be capable of doing anymore due to their disease.

Instead, families or friends should engage with how these people are now. They should support their new interests instead of pushing them to change, even if this change only means returning to their original interests and passions. The changes they’re undergoing aren’t of their choice. Sometimes, these may be because of the neurological limitations the disease has caused.

With Patience

Media often depicts people with dementia as these individuals who constantly ask simple questions. Who are you? Where am I? This does happen in reality as the disease takes their memory away little by little.

Answering these questions may hurt. But above all, they may also be frustrating. It can be easy to lash out at these individuals, perhaps from the pain or the irritation of getting constant questions. Obviously, this isn’t the proper reaction to use. Instead, families should patiently adjust to their eye level. Slowly and kindly answer their questions to jog their memory if necessary. Once things can be too difficult, think of how much more difficult it is for them.

With Calmness and Comfort

Another behavior that may come out of dementia is physical aggression. When they’re confused and scared, these people may lash out. Sometimes, they will feel too lost and frustrated by themselves for words to express that their body will take charge and manifest what they’re feeling through aggression.

Fight the hostility with calmness and comfort. Find out if they’re trying to express a need or if they’re simply uncomfortable at the moment. Families may also sit these emotions out with these people and only attempt communication once they have calmed down. These random bursts of aggression may come and go, and sometimes, people can’t do anything about them.