Photo by Dương Nhân
People have the innate predisposition to desire belongingness – to connect and be with people they resonate with. Clearly, anyone would prefer to be part of the in-group rather than be outcasted and separated. As the famous saying goes, no man is an island. One way or another, people will need each other, whether for resources or purely for comfort. However, people often compromise their sense of self for the benefit of others and the group.
Kindness and the capacity to understand and provide for others’ needs are critical in forming relationships. People are made to believe they must constantly provide and sacrifice for connections to work and ensure the other party stays happy. This leads to them avoiding the word “no,” for fear of offending others and creating a distance in their relationship. Instead of stepping back whenever they feel their comfort violated, people only hesitate momentarily before giving in to the favor.
The Significance in Setting Boundaries
Whenever people feel the foundation of their relationship shake, it’s likely for them to panic and end up with a toxic tendency to readily give despite the risk of emptying themselves. This behavioral pattern gives them the illusion of security because nobody leaves a provider. While people-pleasing may preserve the connection’s integrity, it’s disrespecting one’s boundaries, needs, and comfort.
There’s a fine line between building a good relationship and forcing one to be good. People won’t have to deplete their energies and sacrifice their values for the right one. This is where setting boundaries come into play. It may sound scary and intimidating to draw lines between oneself and others, but it’s one way of letting people know what they can or can’t do. Setting boundaries means separating what one needs mentally, emotionally, and physically, allowing space to feel safe.
People understand that they should set boundaries to protect themselves and their peace. These ensure people don’t empty themselves in the process of caring and loving others, regardless of how much they connect. However, while this concept is nothing new, people still find it tricky firmly enacting its specifics.
Ways to Draw the Line
There are many methods for setting boundaries. Others take the obvious route, such as changing their behaviors toward others and reeling back in their relationships to stand their ground. On the other hand, others need an initial internal change to externally influence their behavior. They can practice meditation or mindfulness to be more in tune with their needs.
For instance, they can re-create their life journey with Alma’s treatments. This 90-minute session includes Shamanic practices that help people be in a sacred environment to acknowledge and honor their boundaries and self-responsibility. Aside from these meditative practices, people can also observe these ways to lessen their people-pleasing tendencies:
Clarify Priorities
Before effectively setting boundaries, people must first recognize what their priorities are. What activities, beliefs, or opinions matter the most in their lives? If possible, these should be the things they won’t live without or those that have or will enhance their lives. Identifying these can help people cement what they want to spend their time and energy on. These should also be separate and unique from others’ priorities to avoid missing them. If there are instances of similarities, it can be easy to get things mixed up, blurring where one’s boundaries are.
Communicate
Things are a lot easier if they’re communicated. Such is also the case in setting boundaries. People shouldn’t expect others to respect their space if they have no ideas where they are. Individuals should set their foot down by vocalizing their thoughts. They should learn to speak up in situations that make them feel unappreciated or disrespected. For things to change, the necessary adjustments should be made known.
Gut Instinct
When people have grown too accustomed to people-please, it can be complicated to identify favors they’re uncomfortable with. It’s not them having trouble saying no. Instead, they don’t know when to say no, and in what situations they’re disrespecting their spaces. However, instinct is typically right. The moment something feels off, people should learn to listen to this feeling and take a step back. While emotions can be mixed up, they only need to pause and listen intently to what their instincts are trying to say.
