Hello, out there! Maybe you are one of the people I am looking for, who are looking for a ray of hope. I want to know that others out there react to life in the seemingly strange way I do.
Ray of Hope #1
Many people seem to feel like they are just run-of-the-mill people, undistinguished from others, and seeking to find their uniqueness, for that ray of hope. They wish they had an identity that is theirs alone. With me, it’s just the opposite: I feel different. Most people seem to find me a curiosity—presumably because I am different—even though I sense good vibes coming from them. At the same time, I genuinely like them. I feel set apart, rarely meeting someone I feel truly understands me.
I think I was wired exactly the opposite of most people. For example, others seem far more dependent on friends than I am. My craving is for time alone, and I am truly my own best friend. However, this doesn’t mean I am anti-social. I’m not. I love people—almost everyone I meet. The difference is that it is far less important to me who I am with. Yes, I have some friends I am closer to than others, but I don’t feel a need to be with them. I’m usually just as happy with whomever I happen to be with—including complete strangers.
Does this sound crazy to you? Or do you perhaps share some of these feelings?
With hope,
from Hope
Ray of Hope #2
Last week I wrote that I feel differently from others in regard to friends.
Another way I feel different, which is more related to my primary interest, is the way in which I view my life as a whole.
I sense that many, if not most, people feel that life slowly chugs upward, sometimes with a leap forward, other times sliding back. But when retirement occurs, it’s downhill all the way. My experience is different. It feels like my life is a tree, growing from the roots up, and only now, in older age, is it climaxing at the treetop—uphill all the way. For many years—in fact, most of my life—I wondered what my life was about. Many others seemed to have a particular “calling,” or at least there seemed to be some goal, purpose, or reason for their life.
When I look at my own life, I see nothing coherent. I have always known I have a great breadth of interest, evidenced by my moving from one thing to another most of my life. I am a mother of four, divorced twice; I’ve moved from high school teaching down through all the grades to preschool, where I found my niche; then attended theological seminary, followed by a brief three years working as (non-ordained) assistant pastor in a mainline church; led seminars on the life and teachings of the historical Jesus; practiced hypnotherapy; then retired and traveled around the world by myself for four months to celebrate my seventieth birthday.
As wonderful as it all was (with ups and downs, of course), I wondered: What does it all mean? Looking at my life from the outside, it seemed scattered, chaotic, and piecemeal. Had I just frittered away my life? Or did it fit together somehow, but I didn’t see how?
After my trip around the world, the pieces of my life began to fit into a beautiful pattern, and I started to see the trajectory of my life. It wasn’t just a collection of experiences. My life was cohesive but so broad in scope I couldn’t see the larger picture.
That may be why, in the past several years, my interest has been drawn deeply toward developing greater consciousness, not only within myself but concern about the consciousness of humanity as a whole. This interest has led to my working on a book about the current consciousness of humanity. While my personal consciousness is still of interest to me, my primary concern now is: What is going on in the consciousness of humanity today? How is humanity cooperating—or not cooperating—with the (seeming) evolutionary thrusts of the universe?
What I am learning in the course of this exploration is what I want to share in the future with any of you who may be interested.
Ray of Hope #3
Last week I talked about my interest in the developing consciousness of humanity and my desire to share with you some of what I am learning.
But first, I need to say something about how I got to where I now am with my project.
About five or six years ago, when I was leading seminars on the historical Jesus, I brainstormed with my colleagues about future seminars we might offer. Suddenly the title for a possible seminar—nothing more, just a title—popped out of my mouth: “Where in the World is God?” It sounded catchy, but I didn’t intend to develop and lead such a seminar.
However, after our brainstorming, a colleague said she was very much drawn to the seminar title and would love to lead such a seminar with me.
That’s how it started. We led a weekly six-session seminar for a small but very interested half dozen people. That captured my attention. In fact, I was seized by something to pursue it further. I didn’t know—and still don’t know—where it will all come out in the end. I only know I am so gripped by it that it won’t let me go until I follow its thread to the very end. For me, it’s like reading a good mystery story. Clues about the ending come to me from time to time, but I can hardly wait to see what actually happens. How does all the data I am collecting fit together into one gigantic puzzle of the movements of the universe?
Much patience is required. I can go only so far at a time with my project, as I must “grow into” where it has taken me before I can go any further. It won’t be rushed.
I suppose it is this factor that sustains my interest. As I said last week, my normal pattern has been to move from one thing to another. But this project has me by the throat. I am so curious to know how it all fits together that there is no signing off until the last page. I’m in for the long haul.
With hope,
