He got confused about why the same sex attracted him. He wanted to know why he was gay when he never asked to have this attraction to men. Kevin became angry because of it and wanted to know why God would allow him to go through this. He even asked why didn’t God just take this away from him, being that he never wanted to be gay. He wanted to know how to get rid of it, or maybe he could pray it away, and maybe he could ignore it.
Confused, Kevin wanted to know what he must do with this thing that he hated. Why did men turn him on, and Christians, especially pastors, condemn people like him to hell? There is also the question of why people hate him because he is gay. People are so afraid of him when what he likes sexually has nothing to do with them. Kevin wanted to know why people would judge him when they, themselves, were dealing with their own sins. Just like other gay persons, Kevin also has thoughts on how to tell his parents, family, best friend, and even old classmates about his being gay.
The idea of ending his own life came across his mind. He sought advice from his Pastor, who really cared.
There were nights he’d find himself crying, wondering come he was so lonely. Although he had many men sexually involved with him, he couldn’t find a husband or boyfriend. He keeps asking why he is a hopeless romantic and often forgets about himself just to try to get a man. He also wonders why down-low men at the Churches he attended hit on him. Why did he fantasize about the body of men so much?
Many times Kevin reflects on why didn’t he force himself into a heterosexual relationship, get a girl pregnant, and have a son. Repeatedly, he asks himself how he let such a thing like that happen to him. He could have asked for help with this unknown situation or run away. Is God hearing him crying for help? Why is he manly but liked to be intimate with other men? Kevin thinks maybe he could just wish and pray a car would hit him.
How can people say anything to him about what to do when they don’t have or know anything about these feelings?
These were just a few of the questions Kevin had. During his time, he had many battles over good and evil, believe it or not.
Kevin was raised in the Church and he loved going to Church with his Mom. Kevin gave his life to God at a young age. With this being said, God had a plan for his life and would not give up on him for he has job to do for the Body of Christ. Kevin was also baptized at a young age and the Holy Spirit directed his path even though he had no idea what was planned for him. Kevin would finally forget about all of those questions and realized that the only way to get resolution to this unanswerable question and end his NIGHTMARE was to rely solely on the Lord Jesus Christ Himself, not acting like he was looking for Jesus, not pretending, not trying to fool people BUT truly giving his life to the Christ, letting Him take the wheel to his life.
1 comment
Kevin
Praise God