The Pursuit Of Happiness-chapter in the novel ‘Dystopian’ “I think, therefore I am” Renee Descartes “The pursuit of happiness by the practice of reason and truth…”  

John Lock Locke’s theory of the mind claims that at birth our brain is a tabula rasa, a clean slate for our experiences to accumulate and be inscribed on.  I tend to believe him, but I say tend…

Since I know that we do not come into this world with knowledge about the theory of relativity, we painstakingly acquire it in school.  We did not even know at first glance, which one is the mother and who is the grandmother.  They, each, pointed to themselves while teaching us the word to call them by.  We have to learn the simplest thing like walking. How come that is not in our DNA? Is it? 

Because we do somehow acknowledge that we have to move, and if nobody shows us, impatiently, how to maintain our equilibrium, we start going on all four as soon as we can. We discover our hand, but then soon enough we see the foot and take it to the mouth just as eagerly and then, we grow out of such cute habits, just as long as the foot and we grow up a bit. We are indeed the accumulated sum of our experiences.  Everything we learned yesterday, from parents, in school or by burning our hand, made us the wise people that we are today. 

My little brother, as a toddler, once put his hand on the red warm plate trying to take it for himself.  After seeing the crying, the desperation of the parents, the home remedies applied, the late night sighs and tears, today, I still, impatiently sometimes try to grab the lid without using a mitten, but that is most of the time, because of some Goauld.  Because one of them wanted again to teach me a lesson. At the advent of the XVII century, Justus Lipsiurds was claiming that there are four passions as he classified them:  greed, joy, fear and sorrow and that the basic rule of a good  life is to not yield to these passions, but to submit to God.   

The human who would comply to this rule would be free because he would live close to God.   Yet, they tell me that I am the Tsarina, that I should be the one bringing a message from God.  How is that supposed to work for me, the woman, who knows that she is so fragile in the hands of God, so little and so insignificant whished to be, that I tend to join the haters sometimes in claiming:  “Maybe it is not me!”.    

I used to defend myself when the Papa told me that it is evil for me to say that, by claiming that maybe it is me, but let us allow for our children’s children to decide for sure, some 500 years after my death, after my life and influence on people had been analyzed and scrutinized in hindsight.    Why did I do that?  Because I do not remember the list of things to do…I keep joking that I misplaced that piece of paper I came into this world with-the epistle telling us all what God would like us all to keep in mind, when living a good life. 

After asking myself “Why me?” innumerable times,  the answer came easily, just as it always does, just as it had been told countless times before, because it was ordained.  The scripture told of it, the Freemasons prayed that I should be born to my parents and not to others, and…HERE I AM. A roaring…WOMAN.  How about the list though?  What was on it? Where do I find it? I have a theory.  The list was not written on a piece of paper, it is not all black and white: It Is My Destiny Unfold.  It is my continuous struggle to fulfill my destiny which will bring me every answer. 

My resolve to never falter, my continuous prayers to God to show me The Path are going to be my tool and compass in knowing that I am compiling the right list.  The knowledge that I love and fear God, seem to be my only certitudes.  Almost literally so far…And they work for me in a way…   They tell me that I accumulated this incredible fortune from the Game, which is so big, that they delay bringing over-liminality just so they would delay having “to deal with” the fact that I will be so rich and powerful.   

I detach from my sorrow for ‘a moment’ and ask myself, ‘what will I do with it?’  ‘whatever I wish’-comes the answer-‘since I am the Tsarina’ ‘what does that mean?’ ‘It means that if the Freemasons called for me to be the Tsarina, most probably their call was answered.  If I am the Tsarina, it means that what I always wished for, when in the presence of God, must be somewhere on the list.’ ‘That is self-deserving’ ‘Yes, so?’ ‘What makes you think you have the right answer?’ ‘I promised God that I will never falter, that I will fight the right fight, that I wish walk only the path He chose for me.  I make mistakes, I repent and then I learn from them.  It is the best I can do. It is all I CAN do.’  

But really, when by myself, what is it that I really wish that God would grant me on behalf of mankind-if I really were the Tsarina?   PEACE ON EARTH CHILDREN OF MY OWN GOOD HEALTH A LONG LIFE HAPPY PEOPLE ALL AROUND PROSPERITY   …Then, this is the list, this is my plan, this is my destiny… This is my resolve: “TO MAKE THIS WORLD A BETTER PLACE for my children to live in.” How will I use my gargantuan fortune?   How about I start with another wish of mine, made possible by the existence of the fortune?  By proposing that I use just a percentage of it,  to raise the standard of living of everybody on earth. ‘Do you begin to figure out how naïve that is?’ ‘Does the gargantuan fortune exist?’ ‘Yes…’ ‘Do I have to prove to you every day that I am the Tsarina, even though you keep telling me that I am, and I keep asking myself what is the proof of that?’ ‘Yes…’

‘Then hear my reason:  since I was the cow of all cows in the Game and I accumulated this gargantuan fortune, since my brother and my husband invented the Big Thought Reading Machine, just to show everybody what beautiful thoughts their sister and wife thinks-as you say they did-since the machine made possible now so many of the things on MY to do list, maybe I am indeed the Tsarina, but more over, how is the plan naïve any more dear?  Pray tell! ‘You are just a f…g cow.’ ‘Am I the Anchor of the machine?’ ‘Yes you are!’ ‘I should have been the anchor’ ‘when is the government going to invest in a different anchor?’ ‘Why a different anchor dear?’ ‘One of us, NOT HER’ ‘Ah, but which one of you?’ ‘Would you please allow me to finish my argument?’ ‘What argument?’ ‘Does the machine now, make possible complete renewals so that one can reach as I had wished for my children, the Mathusalemic age?; 

Did I, for the most part unknowingly amass the biggest fortune that anyone has ever amassed before?  Than why is proposing a new economic order based on a raised standard of living for everybody on earth be naïve?’ ‘How the f.. are you going to accomplish that?’ ‘By doing the only thing available to me, being a continuously productive member of society, by behaving in a responsible manner and holding a tight grip on the money, by raising responsible children..’ ‘Why do we let her talk?’ ‘Let’s kill her!’ ‘Are you stupid?  Kill the Anchor?’ ‘I should have been the anchor!’ ‘All my life I wanted her killed, now I am going to listen to her brag about her plan?’

‘Do you understand that she intends to make love?’ ‘Why can’t somebody else do it?’ ‘Do what dear?’ ‘I do not want to hear of Dulkina any more!’ ‘Why do you not log out?’ ‘I am a Goauld, I flabbergast her all the time!’ ‘Even when I log out, I can still hear you!’ ‘Then why do you not tune out?  Mind you own business and let us live our lives..’ ‘And let you make love to your husband?’ ‘NEVER’ Let’s kill her!’ ‘I will kill her children’ ‘Let’s kill one of her husbands!’ ‘We want a Goauld state!’ ‘That is DYSTOPIAN dear!’